Written by Lynda Fisher, Head of Primary School

As we enter Week 5 of a new school year, I sit in a quiet space and reflect on the various experiences I have observed across our students and unpack what happened in those moments. Generally, the students returned to school successfully, or commenced their journey at their new school or new campus, joyously and skilfully. “Welcome to Moriah College Primary School, each child is important to us and we celebrate you as a part of our family!” That was the message that claimed every child as they entered our gates and this message continues to be repeated every day.  A village of educators and specialists attend to our students and they identified flickers of uncertainty (anxiety) as they transitioned into the new academic school year, possibly in a new campus or a new school. Most students resolved this “flicker of angst” and moved on as their happy selves. There were, however, also instances where anxiety overwhelmed students, whether it was for a morning, a day, or a sustained period, and this article telescopes in on how to respond during that moment. It is important to note that periods of anxiety should not cause a child to be viewed negatively, instead it should be recognised that the child simply feels challenged, and is uncertain of how to manage a feeling, or a response. This feeling is known as anxiety or, when it occurs in association with a separation from parents or caregivers, separation anxiety.   

Understanding Anxiety 

Separation Anxiety is a normal instinctive response, serving as an inbuilt safety mechanism in children. It eases when they feel the presence of a parent or caregiver, either physically or through another attachment figure. Children experiencing separation anxiety often construct stories to make sense of their emotions, leading to feelings of anxiety that can drive either a flight or fight response, where they might shout or cry and make demands for an alternative. 

Changing the Anxiety Narrative 

Two types of stories emerge in their minds, and they replay these stories for themselves. One story is about deficiency in which they tell themselves, “I am inadequate, not good enough or not brave enough”, and one is a story of disaster, that “something bad will happen if I’m not with you, my primary caregiver.”  

Changing the response requires the story behind the fear to be addressed, and then changed. Conversations with children about anxiety should differentiate between scary-dangerous and scary-safe situations. These conversations with children about anxiety can help them understand that it can stem from things that are scary but not necessarily dangerous and it is through these conversations that we build child resilience and the capability to combat anxiety. 

Parents and Anxiety 

Parents play a crucial role in modelling calmness and confidence. The best possible response to anxiety in their children relies on parents modelling measured, calm and reassuring behaviours, and displaying regulated emotional responses. Parents should ensure that they only communicate after they have regulated their own emotions. They position themselves consciously as the supporting adult and reframe anxiety as a natural response to new or difficult situations, a challenge rather than a threat. They introduce children to their amygdala as the brain’s alarm system. Through this discussion, children can be assisted to recognise where the feeling of angst originates, and this assists them to understand and manage anxiety better. Children come to recognise the physical changes in their body associated with anxiety (described below) and are better equipped to use the strategies to cope with the associated sensations that arise.  

Physical symptoms of anxiety include shallow breathing, racing heart, “butterflies” and digestive discomfort. It is natural for parents to try to remove children from the perceived cause of their anxiety by attending school later, removing the child from school, or requesting a modified environment. This is termed ‘avoidance’. Avoidance worsens anxiety, reinforcing the amygdala’s perception of threat. Parents and educators should avoid accommodating anxious behaviours, as this reinforces the perception of danger. Instead, they should provide strategies and supported exposure to demonstrate that perceived threats are often safe and show the child that they are not inadequate.  

Essentially, teaching children to face their fears gradually, with support, helps them to overcome anxiety and develops resilience, as opposed to avoiding the anxiety-inducing situation, which reinforces fear. Accommodating the anxiety by rearranging situations to avoid triggers prevents children from learning that they can cope with anxiety. At Moriah College, the Student Development (Wellbeing) Team and the educators are actively involved and highly skilled in supporting children with separation anxiety. It is essential that this extension of the child’s “caregiving world” collaborates with parents to create consistent strategies and reinforces to the child that their world is safe, and the perceived threats are challenging but not too treacherous or too big for them to manage. 

Strategies for Managing Anxiety include: 

• Encouraging gradual exposure to feared situations to build resilience. 
• Providing clear and confident reassurance to children. 
• Teaching calming techniques such as breathing exercises and mindfulness. 
• Shifting the focus from what they can’t do to what they can do. 
• Using grounding techniques to help bring awareness back to the present moment. 
• Confidence-building mantras and rhythmic activities can help calm anxious children. 
• Keeping the adult or caregiver’s voice calm, positive, fun-filled and optimistic whilst understanding that the child’s fear is real and significant to them.  

Establishing relational safety with trusted adults besides parents enables children to detach and feel secure when separated. Goodbyes should be quick and confident, signalling safety and facilitating a return to calmness. The above narrative confirms the secure baseline off which this separation can occur.  

I conclude with an optimistic vision following my initial reflection. Separation anxiety can be seen as an opportunity for growth rather than a barrier to be avoided when it occurs in our students, as the above approach assists them to find and use what we term “Their Brave Self”. Consistent support, exposure to challenges, and reinforcement of bravery helps our children navigate anxiety and develops their resilience. The close relationship between parent/caregiver, school and child, is one which is treasured and nurtured. I am grateful for the relationship and celebrate the success this approach brings as we progress our learning journey into 2024.